Warning : ce post contient des éléments photographiques en haute résolution, qui, à très court terme, peuvent générer des effets secondaires : tachycardie, sueurs, tremblements, envie irrésistible de regarder Sherlock, etc…
This blog is nine months old now. I’d never thought I’d reach this far with a story of my own life.
And so far, I’ve been dealing with losing Muse, replacing them by The Killers, living with a heart broken in so many ways, getting back White Lies. It’s a band’s story, never the same, some have dissapointed me greatly, some are recovering, one has never changed since the earliest beginning. It’s a music story, I’d say. My life is a song, my head is filled with music.
See how I avoid the troublemaker of this quiet little place ? He’s there, standing in a corner of this post, laughing at me trying to refuse what he’s brought me already.
Calm down, you english…Perfect…Thing. You know where I’m going, and you know I’m following you before anything else, now. Or anyone, as far as I’m concerned.
This is actually my point. This blog, and this life has turned into something I would never, ever have expected in any way.
I could say that I am surprised. And I am genuinely surprised. Totally. Yet…Was that really such a shock ? No one was surprised when it finally rose up, most of my friends were like “Axy, it is hardly new for us”. Was that obvious at the beginning ? Was I already completely under the spell of the fabulous-actor-with-the-tricky-name ?
Was I ?
Providing this was supposed to happen, and I absolutely believe it was, the true surprise in there is how far I’m going, and how defenseless I am. I have dropped the risk of being dissapointed, entirely. I have not a single doubt about the fact that he can not let me down. Which is the strangest feeling ever. You just reach out new things, and at some point, very early in the process, he’s just winning it over. I suppose that it is what a favorite actor is supposed to do…Granted.
But this goes even far, far beyond that. This one, this particular human being has now reached a point that was a no man’s land. Something no one ever touched, or even came close. Not even Muse. No one.
It is so strange, and so hard to explain. I’m afraid of violating the feeling if i try to describe it. I won’t, but it is such a precious, unexperienced thing, and I’m having such a blast exploring it.
I am absolutely overwhelmed. Not by what he is doing only…But by him.
The past things I have discovered, the movies, the TV Shows, the short films, even a freakin commercial he’s the voice of… for dogs shelters for fucks sake ! Everything eventually left me crying my eyes out, not only because I am moved and touched and absolutely messed up each fucking time, but also, and this is where things get a little strange, by the actual realization of how bloody lucky I am to be able to connect with someone like that, and how it is a permanent flow of emotions that are waaaaaaaaaaay bigger than I’ll ever be, and how good it feels to be sent into this extraordinary world painted with his colors, that are, quite strangely, matching mine.
It’s just an actor, for god’s sake. Nothing more ! I should be terrified with the mess he’s made so far inside my head, but instead…I’m thrilled ! And I even have to slow down the process or I’m going to end up with a damn Stendhal Syndrome. I can not handle more than one new thing a week (aside from Sherlock, but Sherlock is home) or I’m going to have some serious troubles getting back to reality and dragging my own self out of the world he has created all by himself. And even those I already know, like, for instance, Parade’s End, are hitting harder the second time.
So I’m just there, contemplating the dozen of things he’s done that are going to fuck me up yet fix me, not daring to reach them now because I don’t know how it is going to end up, and how devastated in the most perfect way I’m going to finish it. And I have a whole world ahead of me. And he’s involved in dozens of others, to come, so, I’m going to have years and years and years with him, just being absolutly mind blown each time, and i have blind faith in his choices.
How good is that, eh ? I’m like…Standing up in the middle of a storm, and feeling more alive than I’ve ever been. In a constant flow of emotions, able to catch everything and feel it the strongest I humanly can.
So, Benedict, you’re standing in the way of a lot of things that matters to me. But, honey…I’m afraid you are more important than any of those. Please, stay. I have known my world before you, and one thing is sure : I hardly believe there will be one after.
For someone I had chosen not to like before Sherlock, the least we can say is that you’ve made your fucking way up to the top.
Bloody english talents. They’ll be the death of me.
P.S Holy crap, Star Trek tomorrow. Call 911 already ?
Mind Palace 